For now.

How nice it is to wake up to the sun fighting the cracks of my blinds. A little something about Pacific Northwesterners: when the sun is out we take full advantage of it (this being why we wear shorts when the weather hits 55 or more- sun’s out buns? out life). It seems almost impossible for me to stay in bed or hang around the house when the sun is shining. Yesterday was amazing- I took my dog to the park, laid out in the sun, and then the roommates and I went to the beach with some watermelon and a football and waited for the sun to set. At home Erik cooked us all dinner and we ended the night with a movie.
Today I woke up, made some coffee, and read a little bit of Walden on my front porch before heading to the park for more sun time. I just finished making some quinoa and now I’m just waiting until the very last minute to start getting ready for work.
This entry has nothing much to offer besides a recap of what I’ve been up to, though my reading this morning sparked a few good thoughts and my brain is turning with words waiting to be strung together. I really miss stimulating, productive conversations that lead to growth-  I was just talking yesterday about the importance of people who are able to converse with you in this way. Hmmm.
I feel good about where things are in my life, where I am in the world …I’ll leave with that being said.

attempt- fail

So I am going to attempt this.
Pho never fills you long, I am hungry and short on time before work.

I have a habit of trying to figure people out, to analyze them, read them and put them into a box of sorts. It might be related to control, perhaps that. Labeling or placing someone into a box leaves no room for
gisjgjslgFUCKggjk

Yep, this is not going to work.

When someone really wants to be your dog’s best friend but your dog thinks the devil has just entered your home.  …ugh, sorry.

When I feel complete

A fresh cup of coffee, a steady breeze through an open window, the lingering smell of incense throughout my house, paint stuck to my skin, and a perfect playlist to accompany my morning.
The air outside smells like spring and watching my dog get on his hind legs to look out the window at the birds playing in the trees is the cutest.
I think I underestimate how calming it is for me to paint. I rolled out of bed this morning and went straight into painting, I made a new playlist compiled of songs I felt I needed to reflect on and with thought in mind I gave up a bit of a ghost.

I want to delve more into my waking thoughts this morning but everything feels so perfect I don’t know that I want to open that box. I feel very full of love today. I want to share my love and express it to my friends and family. So thankful.

Poetry is needed.
I’m holding back

Uncomfortable

For being a very affectionate doting girl I realized today that I’m quite uncomfortable with affectionate contact from others whom I’m not romantically interested in or involved with. Family, friends, acquaintances … a hug hello or goodbye is about as touchy as I enjoy getting. What the fuck does that say about me?

How important is sex really?

There are a million things that can make or break any relationship- my thoughts today revolve around sex and how much weight it should carry in a relationship. I suppose this varies from person to person and couple to couple as with anything but as far as I am concerned having a healthy and fulfilling sex life is a key component to a happy relationship. My last serious relationship ended last May and a part of it’s demise had to do with a lack of sex – mind you I stayed and waited in hopes that things would improve and was open about my needs (once a month if that was not enough), things only got worse with frustrations and created pressure leading to us ultimately realizing we wanted different things for our futures. Fast forward to now- I’ve been seeing someone casually for a few months, not exclusively however this past month or so I have not seen anyone else. I know he is not seeing other people and therefor I feel somewhat inclined to reciprocate and I don’t particularly feel the want to seek out something else. I quite like this man, we have a great time together but I would be hesitant to date more seriously for a few reasons- one main reason being that our sex life is seriously lacking. I think I can speak for the majority when I say that in the early months of dating someone new sex is frequent and fun and exciting. Getting to explore each other’s bodies and the feeling that you can’t keep your hands off one another is one of the best things about starting a new relationship. Last night after being offered a very welcome and appreciated massage involving a bit of groping and grinding I was left wanting to escalate the situation. My attempts were fruitless and I decided to finally mention that I would like a more active sex life (the past dozen times we have spent the evening together we have had sex once …and that was after I made a point to say I wanted it and it was somewhat of a struggle). It’s made clear that I arouse him yet nothing is ever acted on- he had no real explanation other than “this is just how I am”. So I am now left to decide if I am being too hasty if I call it quits or if I am going to wait and undoubtedly feel things are lacking between us   … or not- maybe sex isn’t that important.

-BUT IT IS
bleck

Therapy

I’m a firm believer in stopping to smell the roses …but more so the daphne. Tying lovely scents to what will by lovely memories all month.